Now we are going to actually learn something! It's really mostly foundational stuff, though, and it's not steeped in the virtual world; instead, it's mostly in reality. If you don't want to learn about the various parts of your computer and how to keep them from spontaneously exploding, then you can skip it and go to the next tutorial.
I'll make the assumption that you own (or a friend or parent) the computer that you'll be working on, so that you can play with it and break it whenever you want. If you accidently break your os, you might want an extra copy of windows on hand, too, or a rescue cd. If you survive to the fourth tutorial, then you'll be okay. So, let us take a quick tour around the computer.
There are two sorts of computers that you can choose from: desktops, or laptops. Desktops, as their names suggest, sit at a desk, although more often than not underneath it. Most computers are desktops, and chances are you're reading this off a desktop right now. Laptops are also fairly straight forward: they are designed to fit in your lap for portability. Of course, it's easier to surreptitously sneak off with one (running through the streets with a desktop computer would raise some concern), but it's more convinient, especially for business. And now, photos!
A desktop:
A laptop:
The thing that you're reading off of is the monitor, a piece of hardware 1 that displays whatever video your computer outputs, mostly on a semi-flat surface (either CRT or LCD: we'll delve into the different sorts of monitors later.).
For now, all we need to know is how to take care of one: if it looks like this one (a CRT):
just wipe off the glass screen with some window cleaner, and maybe dust the back once in a while. If you want to be really nerdy, you can get a compressed air container and use that, despite the fact it's only really useful for cleaning off the inside of the computer. If your computer looks like this (and LCD):
It's a little (but not too much) more tricky, because there's generally no glass to wipe, and it's not so easy to get rid of oils2. You can nip down to your local computer store and get a readymade LCD monitor cleaner, or you can take a very, very soft cloth, and then using some water and alcohol, wipe off the screen. If it's not too grungy, just using a soft duster will do.
Whatever you do, don't drop your monitor. If you want to learn more about your monitor, visit tutorial 6.
The box (computer case),
houses the soul of your computer. It is essential that you take care of your box, because without it, you would be staring at whatever default logo your monitor would display with no input. Fortunatly, the box doesn't need too much attention: putting it somewhere well ventilated (so it doesn't suffocate) and somewhere close to your monitor (so it doesn't get lonely) is imperative. But seriously, putting it in a restrictive place will just cut off air flow, and most computers use fans to cool off the inside of the computer (it gets hot in there). Additionally, monitor cords are usually short, so you need to place your box strategically close to your monitor, while it is out of the way of traffic or a precarious ledge. Hopefully, (good) common sense will guide your moves. Other than that, your box with purr right along, and it will usually not complain. If anything does, it's usually Windows.
If the box is the soul of the computer and the monitor is the mouth, the keyboard is the ear. Back in the day (after punch cards), keyboards were the only way to do computers: there was no mouse, and the screen was a black void filled with white text. In short, keyboards are very important: even today, you can survive without a mouse. While the usual keyboard is pretty durable, your hands don't usually match up. If you do alot of typing, you might even get one of several scary-sounding diseases, like tendonitis or repetitive stress syndrome. If you have money and type even a moderate amount (you'll know if you do), you might want to get a special, ergonomic keyboard. If you don't have money to burn, taking breaks, using good posture (straight back, for example), and typing correctly on the homerow (thus minimizing the distance your fingers need to travel) can help.
As for the actual keyboard itself, make sure it doesn't pick up too much dirt, and wipe it off once in a while when the computer is off (so you don't get a screen full of gobbldy-gook, or pop up a random menu).
Extending the computer-person analogy, the mouse is the eye of the computer. Despite the speech on keyboards in the last section, many programs would not be the same without a mouse. Painting programs, for instance, or first person shooter games would simply not exist without the creative power of mice. Here is a picture of a mouse:
There are two sorts of mice in the world: ball and laser. Looking at the bottom of the mouse, you should be able to tell which one is which. The later has a ball-ish extrusion, and the laser has a bright light shining out of in when it's connected to the computer. Both are very forgiving care-wise. With ball mice, you merely need to keep the ball in the mouse and make sure it doesn't get gunk all over it. Laser mice don't have any moving parts to break, but it needs a non-reflective surface to read the laser well. A paper under the mouse works well. Once both types of mice start getting old, the top, where the hand sits, usually gets dirty: wiping that off, probably with some sort of cleaner, would help take out the dirt.
Hopefully, you're already set up, but on the off chance that you're staring at this from a friend's computer in hopes of making your own computer work, continue on (if you want to, move to the next tutorial.)
If you haven't already went out and bought a computer, then try a dell for your first time out. If dell has went bankraupt between now and then (extremely unlikely), or you feel like doing it the hard way, here goes a short intro to setting up computers.
If you're really starting from nothing, and you don't want a dell, or any of the other packages any mid-sized tech store would have, then... well, first, stop being so stubborn (unless you have good reason to be), you should probably read tutorial 6 and the the next level up, and then have a fairly good idea of what you're doing. If you have a friend who is a computer nerd, hardware in specific (can he tell you what a frontside bus does? what about latency? does s/he have an opinion on PCI/AGP?), although any computer nerd should do, then take him to lunch and go computer shopping. It should be great fun.
If you have a choice, put your computer somewhere safe. And pamper it. While you're at it, pamper yourself too. If you learn well with music, one of those zen-water tricklers, or beach balls, put those around you. Because learning to use a computer proficiently is (not too) time consuming, you'll want some comfort. Two notes:
Recently, the wires that connect into your computer have become color coordinated with the port you plug the wire into. If you bought your equipment recently, here's a short list:
If you need a visual, here's an empty backside:
and a monitor port:
Make sure you screw in the monitor wire (not too tightly), so you don't inadvertently loose your video in the middle of an intense game of quake.
Now, plug in your computer, press the power button (should be on the front, a prominent button in the middle), and you should be good to go!
If you've ever had to crawl behind your computer (if you haven't, you should try it!), it _can_ be a hellish experience. If you don't crack down on wires and manage them, they'll be rebeling in no time. Ties are always good, as you can tie together similar wires going through the same hole or loop a cord to make it shorter, and tie off the loop to keep it that way. If you place the equipment that uses the wires sanely, you can also manage your wires better. Other than that, the information merely has to get there somehow, which leads me to my final point: no extraneous cords!
Let's go to the next tutorial...